i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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