the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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