He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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