You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
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