do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
