I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
