why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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