I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
