shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
