remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
