No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
