u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize