after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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