You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
