i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
