How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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