i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
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Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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