You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Randomize
