This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
false alarm, still single
Panties = found
Randomize
