his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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