is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I skipped work to stalk him.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
