Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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