glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
they're like a gay fantastic four
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
