She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Randomize
