you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
