we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Pooping to opera.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
