We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
