If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
