I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
