i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
