fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I need to sanitize my soul.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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