Define "chronic" masturbator.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I am one with the molecules
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
