I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
