It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
