I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
COCAINE IS GR8
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
