Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
