So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
