She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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