Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
