dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
