whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Drake has all the answers
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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