everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
