next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
