Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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