I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
