I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
