i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
