after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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