I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
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