I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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