I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
