please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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