Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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