some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
