just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
