just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i wish my penis had a tongue
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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