Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
