i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
