I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
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