This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
