WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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