I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
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