I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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