love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
