I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
