My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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