So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
