You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
