I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
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