I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
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