the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
