the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
